By Angel Manalad ©

“Today is gonna be the day
That they’re gonna throw it back to you”

Looking at the clouds through the window, I calmly listen to the much familiar song. It’s been a year. I have waited a year, and now I’m finally on my way to see you. I can remember it as if it was yesterday.

We we’re just two people in the other side of the world, communicating through the wonders of technology. It was just some sort of past time in the beginning, a wonder on how two people can talk amidst the distance. But soon, it became more. Pretensions are stripped away, real people and emotions surfaced. We found ourselves unconsciously dreaming of a future that will surpass boundaries.

“I wish you can see the stars with me tonight.”
“Yeah, unfortunately in this side, the sun is still glaring back at me.”

We became friends, secret keepers, up to the point that a day can’t pass by without talking to one another. You welcomed me inside your world, and you became a big part of mine.

“Do you think what we have will ever end?”
“I don’t really know, but I hope not. Coz I think if that happens, I should learn how to live with an amputated half of my body.”

To that first time that I heard your voice, I know I’m bound to keep you forever. Many sleepless nights against time zones, many frustrated moments wishing its just mere streets and not oceans and lands that we have to cross.

“I have to go somewhere, I need this new job. I hope you’d still be there.”
“…I want to be here. I will be here. I’m not promising anything. But you know how important you are to me.”
“I won’t be able to talk to you as often… ”
“That’ll be hard but let’s try.”

We were both screaming silently during that day. I know what you were thinking, and I know you know it too. Yet we exchanged the pleasantries. I was always the optimist between the two of us. I’m looking beyond the one whole year we’ll be spending apart not physically but more on mentally.

It was a year of agony, less conversations. We started with phone calls but it just became too expensive as I spent half hour just crying for missing you so much to the point you can’t understand me in between sobs. I was like a little girl always crying not wanting to go to school. Yet you patiently listened.

“You know what? ”
“What?”
“I have a new job.  The job I wanted for so long.”
“Good for you! When was this? Why didn’t you tell me you passed an application?”
“I never thought they’ll hire me and decided just to tell you if ever they’ll do. ”
“I’m so happy for you!”
“I know, I’m so happy right now, I want to kiss you.”
“LOL.”
“But there’s bad news too.”
“What is it?”
“Well, I know we have been trying real hard to find the time to at least talk even for just some time each week. With this new job, it’ll be harder. It’s almost a whole day job.”
“But it’s the job you like; you know that I would support you 100%. Our time will come, dear.”

Missed calls, you sleep when I wake up, we live in emails and soon it became fewer and fewer. It’s been two weeks now since the last time I’ve talked to you. You have to rush somewhere that we were just able to say hi and hello and ask each other how we are. I figured it will be a good surprise anyway. I booked a flight and here I am almost seeing the land below, where I know you’ll be.

I breathe in, familiarizing myself with the air you breathe. I remembered the airport prank I played on you before and I wondered if you’ll respond the same way again. I dreamt of this moment a million times, and now I’m here for real with just a phone call away from you. I walk over to a pay phone.

I dialed hastily, not wanting another wasted minute.
“Hello?”
“Hello? Who’s this?”
“Uhm, where is Philippe?”
“This is his wife, he’s in the shower. Who’s this?”
“This is Tanya…his friend…”
“Oh you’re Tanya, he’s been telling me a lot about you. I’m sorry you couldn’t come to our wedding yesterday.”

And as easy as that my world began to shatter. The telephone fell out of my hand; I can literally feel the blood drain off my face as my knees begin to lose its strength. I can hear a distant murmur of hello on the other line. But I just can’t grasp reality as of the moment. It was all for nothing. All those frustrations, tears and wasted hours and minutes it all came crashing down to this, I found myself slumped, sitting beside the phone booth watching a plane take off in a starry night. Maybe right at this minute we’re looking at the same sky, watching the same set of stars.