glimpse of me

(as requested by GJ Caparros and Jeremy Cirujales)

In life we all make choices. It was around 11am in the month of April that I made that choice of being a part of the USAP company.

I knew from the beginning it was something I would do temporarily, technical writing was never a favorite practice of mine. But due to pressure and pride, I didn’t want to be a part of the growing number of unemployed Filipinos but still considering the compensation; I took USAP’s offer. It’s practicality on my part and as what I said to Toly during my interview, I think I can manage to stay in any job as long as it entails me to write.

Days passed and I begin to notice how different it is to be a product notes writer to the kind of writer that I am. The position challenged my efficiency and accuracy yet put my creativity aside. Later, I don’t even consider it writing anymore.

For the people, my co-employees, most of them are nice but I learned early on from my previous jobs that you can never please everyone; there will always be detractors along the way. But I’m both passive and positive. This is who I am and what I am. I’m not alive for anyone’s benefit; I don’t go to the office for someone else’s sake.

Instead of acknowledging snotty remarks and meaningful glances, I seek solace to those who became my friends. I was warned early on to never trust anybody but I didn’t listened. Living without trust is living without hope. So, rather being suspicious of everyone, I selected the people I would get close to. Thankfully it was another choice I can be happy about.

Sometimes, criticisms and the teasing gets to me that quitting the job came to my mind more than once in the past six months, but I guess it’s not the right time yet during those moments.

As I mentioned in my “testi-kind-of-note” (see USAPang USAP) I met different kinds of people who made my stay in the company really worthwhile. They’re the people who I was with for almost 2000hours of my life who gave me a lot of reason to smile, laugh and even cry.

There’s definitely a lot for me to miss starting with the unending cells of Excel (I know I can still see this one often in almost every PC), the very informative POS, the “high quality, direct OE replacement” notes, the well-versed manu sites, my favorite body parts: grille, bumper, and fuel tank, USAPang angel, the unending and most of the time insensitive teasing and cat calls of the testosterone-filled macho men around me, eating in the pantry, notes meeting, those 15-minute breaks, soundtripping, birthday celebrations, the line “shhhhhh…office hours!”, my team, my friends, and the rest that USAP offered.

Everyone is bound to leave and as dramatic as this may sound, this is my time. Still, there are a lot of memories for me to cherish, people and events to be thankful for, USAP taught me many things both professionally and personally.

It was indeed a smart choice to accept that offer six months ago and as life offers me a new opportunity it’s another choice that I pray will be as good as the one I made last April.

Love, friendship, smiles, laughter, tears, and wisdom—these are the things that you guys imparted me and I couldn’t be thankful enough. “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”

*Walang eepal*

Please smile through your eyes
I’ve never told any lies
I’ve never disguised

–

Such short time had passed
Wondering till when it’ll last
Missing you this fast…

–

Words are not enough
Being tense is really tough
Sorry for this crap…

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What we had was rare
Farewell is too much to bear
I really do care…

–

Can you hear me?
Free me from my misery…
Accept my sorry.

–

A short span of time
Yet i’m paying for such crime
Now I lost my rhyme..

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Strip me coz u could
Deny me, You thought i fooled
Did your mistrust ruled?

–

I’d rather not see
Than observe you avoiding me
This setting me free…

–

I know i’m nothing,
Never been you’re everything
But cease this hurting…

–

I learned my lesson
I still ask for your pardon
Coz here i am torned…

–

The way your eyes shine
Your smile that produces mind
When will we be fine?

–

The time might be short
A sort of wonder for both
Read between this note

–

I did dissapoint
I changed your mind and died
Waiting by thy side

–

I’m searching for words
I’m stretching my mind for you
Hope you’ll see me true

–

Pull of gravity
Some falling objects and me
Please remember thee

–

You’re slow to anger
It’s easy to make you smile
So, wipe off that frown

–

Will you forget me?
Throw everything away?
or please just let me stay?

–

Staring into space
I’m thinking of you
What’s there left to do?

–

I was wrong i know
But what we had please don’t throw
This is killing me slow

–

I have made a mess
Hoping this is just a test
Please don’t see me less

–

This is confusing
It’s hot and cold, new and old
What should it be called?

–

This is the last note
Hard to know what i had wrote
Just farewell of sort

*Parang joke lang..pero wala kasi akong mapost at di ako maka-compose ng blog na maayos* (all are done August-September 2009)

Questions and questions inside my head
Tossing and turning in my bed
Still remembering everything you said
All i want is for this love to play dead.

–

Skin to skin,
Your lips in mine,
memorizing each line…
Everything is just a dream and i am fine.

–

Finding my rhyme,
Looking for signs,
Searching for you,
Waiting in line,
When can everything be mine?

–

Verses and phrases
Jeans and laces
Sweat and skin
Me and you…

–

Nonsense letters and lights of coal
Different contours, Your face and my strokes
Yet everything i watch in revelled awe…

–

Wasting moments, wasting carbon
Waiting in line, waiting for time
What’s to see? What’s to do?
Nothing but to wait if all is true…

–

I want to make you smile
I wanna go the extra mile
Rest awhile then continue your file..